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dealbreaker:

You Hate My Dog

I thought you were the nicest guy ever. I mean, you were nice to the waiter on our first date, and I knew you called your mom once a day. So I thought that you could come over and we could have a casual date and then some sex. But as soon as you walked in and my dog greeted you, you pushed him away and inquired as to why he didn’t live outside.

I could understand if my dog was one of those obnoxious rat-like creatures, or if he had greeted you in a frightening way. But no, he is eighty five pounds of lovable friendliness. 

Wait- You aren’t even allergic to dogs? You just “never liked them?” Please get out of my home, and my life, forever.

Woof.

-Written by Kat

dealbreaker:

You Make Time For Everyone Else Except Me

I know it’s hard when you have friends come in from out of town, and you need to quickly drop everything to see them.  Like when your sister is here unexpectedly on business and you want to grab dinner with her instead of me.  Or like when your best friend’s roommates are in town and they need to crash on your couch, so I shouldn’t stay over.  Or like when your mother’s god-daughter’s ex-boyfriend’s band is playing a show on the other side of the city that conflicts with my show on the same night and you have to go because “you promised.”

I see you once a month.  This is a long distance relationship, except with less sexy correspondence.  Oh, and we live in the same city.

You can keep telling me its all coincidental, but that looks a lot like a pattern.  A pattern of avoidance. 

Have fun with your acquaintances.  I’m going to date someone who doesn’t take my time and effort for granted.

-Written by Wompcity

Bane of my existence; I’m sure other NYUers will agree..

dealbreaker:

You Only Like Girls Who “Look Like They Are Intelligent”?

So I get it. You like smart chicks. I can support that. Well, wait…you only like girls who “look like they are intelligent”?  What’s that supposed to mean? Oh…brunettes with glasses. Because having brown hair and myopia makes you a much more analytical thinker. I see. So, when I was too broke to afford hair dye and contacts, I was an alluring, nerdy, intellectual type…but now that I have a job and can afford my henna and contacts habit, I somehow lost IQ points? Well, you certainly have a “type”, don’t you? Such an unusual one, too. It must have been a struggle to come up with, really.  Well, guess what! I have a type, too! Men who are interested in real women, not just an easily porn-searchable fetish.  For your information, I was reading Shakespeare for fun in the third grade.  Which was, incidentally, before you were born. I was reading books on ancient history and quantum physics before you could check out a book from the library that had more pictures than words. I may not look the part, but this is life, not a movie. Congratulations on being pedantic.

-Written by Cawlein

Separated at birth?

I will never be able to unsee this. You’re welcome, everyone.

I am generally opposed to pets in costumes, except when it’s HILARIOUS.

(via ihasahotdog.)

Um, where can I get tickets to this?

via i307.photobucket.com